Just breathe: another milestone hit

Pregnancy after Loss

"Be Still. Close your Eyes. Breathe.

I am worthy of this baby."

  Yesterday, was a big day for us. It was a time of excitement, fear, joy and nervousness. It was our  20 week ultrasound appointment...a big occasion here in the United States for expecting families. It's a chance to view your little one, scrutinize at all the bone structures, organ structures and watch the antics of the little human you are growing. And on a side for us, it's a chance to look at the anatomy to see if you need to be preparing for a little hooligan of a boy or the excessive giggles of a little girl.

"Out of difficulties, grow miracles."

My daughter, story about her below, and I during

a DIY photo shoot in the Black Hills, South Dakota.

   We weren't quite sure how this appointment would go, the fear of the unknown and whatnot. You never quite recover from seeing a non-beating heart on that screen...the fear is always in the back of your mind.  I've also had excessive stress around me that could not be avoided---raising teenagers isn't for the weak hearted and they have lives of their own too.
   Our teen daughter made up her mind to make her own plans one evening without us knowing and after she didn't arrive home, I instantly knew something was amiss. I began calling, texting, driving to her activity center. This particular daughter always keeps us updated and would go out of her way to not make anyone worry. Long story short, I finally received a text from her after she was missing an hour saying that she had made a mistake, wrecked and totaled my four-wheel drive and was 50 miles from home in the forest in an area that had no cell phone coverage and that she needed help but was unsure where she was. My husband and I drove the deserted roads for three hours trying to find her. She somehow came out with only a concussion and bruising when she lost control of the vehicle and went over an 8 foot embankment, waking up in a running creek in the dark, in the middle of a desolate area. She had crawled out of the creek, and walked and ran in the dark  to the nearest homestead she could find to be able to use WIFI to text. I'm so thankful to report she is alive and well....and currently grounded. The stress levels with that were well beyond overload.
   I rested and slept as much as I could to recover from that horrible night. haha She is so sorry beyond words and with the anticipation of the Wee Baby Ness and  was just terribly worried her teen actions would hurt her sibling. The weekend that followed held a beautiful  reminder for our family as the Wee Baby Ness kicked hard all that night so everyone could feel the little miracle. It was a nice reminder that we had everything that was really important safe and sound in our home with us...the situation could have easily been horrifying.

Our awesome teen

   This past month, I have incorporated my Vitamin B Complex back into rotation, to see if that indeed had any merit on my pregnancy metabolism. I'm thrilled to report that it did! I gained only two pounds this month and my blood pressure is right on target.

20 weeks and

counting blessings

   The thirty minute scan was amazing. Our baby is growing and measuring right where she/he needs to be! We saw movement all the time, little glimpses of the personality as he/she dealt with the intruding machine on it's cozy home. Our sonographer took us through every step, telling us what she was looking at and throwing in the occasional "Cute!" comment.

Namaste from the Wee Baby Ness

We got about 10 shots for us to take home on disc or fingers, feet, faces, the entire body. It was a very enjoyable time watching the facial movements, waving arms, fingers grasping, eye rubbing.  Our baby measures about 14 ounces...that's on the heavy end of weight gains. This looks like it could be a challenge later for my 5'3", used to be 120 pound frame...time will tell!

Our daughter Keira

and the belly

   The other members of our family are doing very well! Our middle school-aged daughter had her first art exhibition and show and our other daughter is nursing her first broken heart from a break-up from aone and a half year relationship...we've got lots of going ons in our household this past month!

Talking with Dah!

We are 16' goin' on 17 da-da dum da Dee daaah

  The Wee Baby Ness has made an appearance and even strangers can now see our delight. Rainbow babies are extra special and make everyone smile! If you aren't aware of what a rainbow baby is, it is a baby conceived after a loss or miscarriage. Using the universal sign of hope, a rainbow, symbolizes the beautiful part of making it through a terrible and powerful storm, of which we are so fortunate to have survived. We've been waiting for a rainbow for a few years.
   My shifts at the brewery have been shortened, to give more time to prepare for baby....and relax. I always have amazing stories though from the people I meet. The other day, as I explained our menu to a young couple, their inquisitive toddler sat there. Mid sentence, I felt a POKE POKE POKE on my belly and I looked down to see their little girl poking the Wee Baby Ness and smiling and blabbering on to the little occupant in my womb. I smiled as I felt the wiggles from inside me. I really enjoy the fact that everyone in my life, strangers included, treating me - us - as if the baby is a "somebody" already. My coworkers chat up the Wee Baby Ness, one always pokes, and all of them give affectionate rubs. Our family also takes turns chatting and caressing.

My view of our Fierce little Ness

Another month has flown by and we have seen our primary OBGYN again. I've been feeling pretty great although I've had a few episodes of heart palpitations and vision changes, both associated with m hypothyroidism. I'm still donning my own jeans with a belly band, despite the big growth expanse in my belly region. Again, I battled the terrible nerves of stepping on that scale at the doctor's office. But what did I really have to worry about...right?! The same smiling faces greeted us at the office and I turned the corner to see that silver menace...the scale. With a deep breath, I stepped on...drumroll....BOOM.....I gained a whopping 9 pounds over the last month. **sigh** Internally, I was/and continue to be ----devastated. My blood pressure was right on target, so that fact is awesome. Next stop, a meet with the OB and to listen to the heartbeat.
   We found the little pitter patter heartbeat immediately, and big smiles filled the room, but quickly the squirming began. It was as if the Wee Baby Ness discovered the hiding spot was comprised and said,"Ske-Daddle!!!" We all laughed as the baby scurried all over, running from the Doppler. The heartbeat was good, a moving baby is excellent! Smiles all around! Now....back to the weight gain. Where, why, how??? I'm gluten intolerant so that's usually where the bulk of most people's diet problems lie. We tested my TSH and that came back normal...Thank the Gods! They assured me they had no worries at this time and sometimes people gain lots one month and hardly any the next. We just need to wait it out and see if any more hypothyroid symptoms rear their ugly head.
   Of course my brain couldn't let it drop after we got home....I researched water retention remedies, and stumbled upon B complex vitamins. I had been taking them and just didn't pick anymore up when I ran out. I discovered this may contribute to a sluggish metabolism...hopefully BINGO!
   Time will tell if this helps at all or if more hypothyroid symptoms will begin creeping in. I'm so
thankful that the baby is healthy and growing...and that we are enjoying every moment of this
journey! Meanwhile, we keep preparing by making diapers and thinking of things we are going to
need when March 2017 arrives!

My champion family who I love with all my heart! My husband is helping me make cloth diapers and 

our daughter is building the chest of drawers for storage for baby.