Milestones, milestones....our American culture thrives on that. An infant's first few years are jammed packed with milestones for development and everyone is always eye balling to see if things are measuring up. We have lots of milestones happening and one in particular makes me kind of sad....so we flew kites today on this loveliest of spring days.My goal with each of my children was to breastfeed for their first year of life. That time frame seemed appropriate for me as their immune system is functioning quite well at that point. Two out of four times I have hit my goal! With my first child, everything had worked itself out and things were going strong until I started getting nauseated with each feeding. Even though I had not yet started my period after having her, I was pregnant again when she was nine months old. She was weaned ASAP, the vomiting was too much during feeding. It was a horrible time for everyone. With the next little bundle, we were living on a farm. When she was five months old, I ran out to a commotion in the chicken coop only to be sprayed head to toe by a started skunk when I rounded the corner. I tried everything to get the smell off for a few days, but it overwhelmed me and she absolutely could not feed. I ended up having to supplement with formula but the process was enough to disrupt my precious and now skunky smelling milk supply. Our breastfeeding journey was over....and I smelled that wonderful skunk aroma in my nostrils for over a month! The last two daughters took full benefit of the breastfeeding and enjoyed every day of it.
Lots of people think breastfeeding is easy and you automatically know how this process goes...yeah that's only in the movies....if movies even talk about such things without making it sexual, that is. It's a test of patience, sometimes pain, sometimes frustrations, sometimes joy, sometimes laughter, sometimes confusing, etc. It is a GRAND ADVENTURE in life truly and there is much fulfillment in continuing to provide the nourishment for your greatest achievement (baby) after they are out of the womb. Even though they aren't with you constantly anymore, you have those few moments during the day and night of truly unique bonding and special time. You examine each other's eyes, feel each other's breath, smell each other's smells, skin to skin is comfort, laugh together, sometimes cry together LOL and experience your baby like nobody else in the world gets to. Being a breastfeeding mom is empowering!
As of yesterday, our journey of serene togetherness and intimate nurturing is over. We have been feeding less and less each day in preparation of these times. She eats very nutritious food and has for a very long time. For over a week we were just doing one feeding in a 24 hour period to prep for no breastfeeding time. The last to go was the feeding right after her bath, directly for bedtime. It was the one you use to calm and send her off to her sweet dreams with, the last bond before your evening shifts of parenting begin. The last feeding before we stretched out in our bed and giggle, discussing the details of the life we've built for ourselves. I love that time of day :)
Don't get me wrong....we've celebrated this milestone intimately as a couple as well. It's refreshing to not have wet shirts or sheets, not smell of past ripe milk that has spilled somewhere. It's super nice to have those two things of mine be just purely sexual again! I did miss that life too. Last night, during my favorite time of day, my husband quietly watched us as we struggled to change up our bedtime routine as I rocked and held her in our dimly lit bedroom. She fell sound asleep after letting out soft whimpers and I placed her in her bed. He held out his arms to me and asked how it was for me. "Awful..." and I collapsed into a heap in his arms .Our favorite time of day was spent in quiet reflection as he stroked my hair with the occasional honking of body parts with assorted noises. :)
