Milk...going, going, gone

   Milestones, milestones....our American culture thrives on that. An infant's first few years are jammed packed with milestones for development and everyone is always eye balling to see if things are measuring up. We have lots of milestones happening and one in particular makes me kind of sad....so we flew kites today on this loveliest of spring days.

   My goal with each of my children was to breastfeed for their first year of life. That time frame seemed appropriate for me as their immune system is functioning quite well at that point. Two out of four times I have hit my goal! With my first child, everything had worked itself out and things were going strong until I started getting nauseated with each feeding. Even though I had not yet started my period after  having her, I was pregnant again when she was nine months old. She was weaned ASAP, the vomiting was too much during feeding. It was a horrible time for everyone. With the next little bundle, we were living on a farm. When she was five months old, I ran out to a commotion in the chicken coop only to be sprayed head to toe by a started skunk when I rounded the corner. I tried everything to get the smell off for a few days, but it overwhelmed me and she absolutely could not feed. I ended up having to supplement with formula but the process was enough to disrupt my precious and now skunky smelling milk supply. Our breastfeeding journey was over....and I smelled that wonderful skunk aroma in my nostrils for over a month! The last two daughters took full benefit of the breastfeeding and enjoyed every day of it.

   Lots of people think breastfeeding is easy and you automatically know how this process goes...yeah that's only in the movies....if movies even talk about such things without making it sexual, that is. It's a test of patience, sometimes pain, sometimes frustrations, sometimes joy, sometimes laughter, sometimes confusing, etc. It is a GRAND ADVENTURE in life truly and there is much fulfillment in continuing to provide the nourishment for your greatest achievement (baby) after they are out of the womb. Even though they aren't with you constantly anymore, you have those few moments during the day and night of truly unique bonding and special time. You examine each other's eyes, feel each other's breath, smell each other's smells, skin to skin is comfort, laugh together, sometimes cry together LOL and experience your baby like nobody else in the world gets to. Being a breastfeeding mom is empowering!

   As of yesterday, our journey of serene togetherness and intimate nurturing is over. We have been feeding less and less each day in preparation of these times. She eats very nutritious food and has for a very long time. For over a week we were just doing one feeding in a 24 hour period to prep for no breastfeeding time. The last to go was the feeding right after her bath, directly for bedtime. It was the one you use to calm and send her off to her sweet dreams with, the last bond before your evening shifts of parenting begin. The last feeding before we stretched out in our bed and giggle, discussing the details of the life we've built for ourselves. I love that time of day :)

   Don't get me wrong....we've celebrated this milestone intimately as a couple as well. It's refreshing to not have wet shirts or sheets, not smell of past ripe milk that has spilled somewhere. It's super  nice to have those two things of mine be just purely sexual again! I did miss that life too. Last night, during my favorite time of day, my husband quietly  watched us as we struggled to change up our bedtime routine as I rocked and held her in our dimly lit bedroom. She fell sound asleep after letting out soft whimpers and I placed her in her bed. He held out his arms to me and asked how it was for me. "Awful..." and I collapsed into a heap in his arms .Our favorite time of day was spent in  quiet reflection as he stroked my hair with the occasional honking of body parts with assorted noises. :)

Blessings everyone!

Life can be ironic

  Hey everybody!

   We are in the third trimester and it's been a while since I've posted...I was reminded by our teenager that she hasn't been able to read anything about us for a while and it was time. There has been something come up it seemingly daily and it's all we can do to just buckle down and deal.

Let me break it down for you....

Right around the beginning of December, I began cramping, spotting...for those of you that has miscarried before, I don't have to tell you how breathless that makes you feel as you try to figure out what is going on. The baby had noticeably dropped and we were in our doctor's office the very day. After being poked and prodded and questioned, it was decided that I needed to stay off my feet a little more. I had to say good-bye to my job at the brewery for a while. The spotting immediately cleared up and we adjusted to me being at home all the time. I'm quite a busy individual so it has been an adjustment! We didn't know it at the time, but I was headed into anemia, if not already there.
   As we were gearing up for the holidays ahead, my grandpa after months of being in and out of an ill state, took a turn. Thankfully, the regional  hospital is  in our neighborhood and we made frequent use of him being within five minutes of our house. He was a great spirits the last few days we saw him....little did we know our family would be assembling the following week for his bedside vigil into the next realm. We were very close with him and cleaned his house, bought his supplies and just made sure he was taken care of before we moved away from our hometown four years ago. We have so  many fond memories of that wonderful man and made great use of his time while we lived near him.

   The week of his dying ritual as the family began assembling, the weather here got extremely cold. I was in and out of the doctor's office and it was determined my troubles were a combination of being anemic and the wrathful return of my asthma. I hadn't been on an inhaler in over a decade! I had days and days of being winded crossing the room and really not being able to sleep due to feeling like I couldn't breath. Not a great time to get emotional...it was quite a balancing act to ensure my health and the health of our little one would endure. It was difficult even holding a conversation, I was so winded. I tried to comfort our daughters as much as I could and my husband did his best to convey the messages I felt were key in this situation...he had a wonderfully good life and he has been ready to move onto the next stage. There were times I couldn't even get an updated text from my family without bursting into a wet face.  A time in my life I won't soon forget. Trying to remain calm and level headed in such a sad time was so difficult...especially with pregnancy hormones raging through my system. I simply tried to focus on the positive in all around me and my little family was such a big help. Without asking, my husband's shoulder and chest were instantly there to bury my face into whenever the moment hit me...which was quite often. I'm a silent crier, so much of my cues are just simply watching---especially since I had no extra breath to tell tall tales or even convey the sorrow I was feeling.
   My family really worried about the funeral and the timing of my Grandpa's passing. Life can be quite ironic. I gave birth to our first born, Keira, the day after my other Grandpa's funeral. I had to endure his death in an extremely pregnant state. The timing is a little different here, but I will have endured my other Grandpa's death before the birth of our last child. My parents worried preterm labor was eminent. The doctors have had us in and out of their offices lots...three unscheduled appointments and probably counting! Honestly, it's a great sense of relief for us. We know our little is doing spectacular.
   Which brings me to one of the new experiences we've had....the non-stress test. This was given in our doctor's office after I had to call in because we were having too many contractions and after not sleeping in about 48 hours. They put two sensors on your belly - one on the baby's heartbeat, and one on your uterus to monitor for contractions. They also give you a little button to push whenever you feel your baby move. Our baby performed beautifully for the test. There was no stress when my contractions would come. Great news! Also my cervix hasn't changed so it was another good sign that things are going the way they need to. The only one uncomfortable in the situation was me and it turns out I had a case of the flu along with my symptoms so it was no wonder I was uncomfortable and having some preterm conditions.
   Our latest ultrasound showed the Wee Ness was roughly four pounds and one ounce last week. Each week brings us closer to getting to see our little miracle. With having to be homebound and then bed bound a few days to get on top of hydration and contractions, we already know so much about her/him. The sleep schedule is very apparent and he/she has very personal interactions with each member of our household.
Before I got really sick, I made a few items for us to put in our hospital bag...matching labor gear and a Wonder Woman nursing gown!

   Now that my anemia seems to be heading in the right direction and my asthma is controlled, I plan on having a little more energy to keep things updates on here :)
Blessings all!

Surprise surprise!

   It was July 5, 2016, and I decided to wake up early and secretly take my test. My period was a day late and I'm usually right on time. I hadn't noticed much different with my body besides sore breasts and I had actually felt like I would get my period and then nothing was happening. With any thyroid problems and especially with Hashimoto's it is imperative to be on top of your bloodwork. You really need to know what your numbers are before trying to conceive and although we weren't necessarily trying, in fact - we had kind of given up on the idea that we would be parents again - we weren't opposed to the idea either. We had both decided the wonderful, amazing girls we have are truly enough. That doesn't mean the rest of our people felt the same. We still heard the same verbiage of how the girls wanted a sibling, how some  wished Clayton had a biological child, despite his incredible journey he took to be allowed to adopt the girls.
   With a body like mine, you have to know almost before you miss your first period if you are pregnant because your TSH numbers can shoot through the roof before you know it. And if your numbers are too high, miscarriage is eminent. There is no amount of doctoring that can fix it. As soon as I thought I might be pregnant, I took a pregnancy  test and then doubled up my thyroid medication before we even called our OB doctor with the news. I hadn't spoken to them since I got the all clear last year ... incidentally our last miscarriage was dated July 5, 2015. When I called, I immediately recognized this wasn't my doctor's nurse from before. You build a sort of report when you go through death with someone. Everyone in the office took such great care of us and some would mutter about how brave we were or strong. They admired us. This new nurse got acquainted with my charts on the phone. "I'm going to pull up your history and ......(pauses &  it seemed to last two minutes)...." I lightened the feel and said that we did have quite a history with them. "Yes, the first thing that jumps out at me is that you've had multiple miscarriages.......(another long pause).......and now I'm wondering about your TSH numbers." With a smile on my face in the phone I announced that I have two TSH tests and other bloodwork that was done previously and results from the lab work currently  and I would immediately be bringing those results. You could hear the relief in her voice. We dropped them over immediately and later that afternoon, the nurse called with no special instructions and they said everything looked in range.
   Our first appointment is July 28 - two days after my husband's 30th birthday. What a birthday present!
We are doing all we can to ensure a safe pregnancy. I've been taking my rounds of supplements and I am in really great health. My blood pressure is excellent and my TSH is in the new guidelines which is a huge relief!
   At this time, we have decided to keep our circle very small about the news of our little one....neither one of us wants to really deal with other people's hopes and dreams right now on this reality for us. It's our journey and we are excited, scared, anxious and hopeful. We don't need to add anyone else's worries, thoughts, careless verbalizations. It doesn't help much to hear that it won't happen again, that God has plans for us or any of that kinds of nonsense. With our history and vast knowledge on a subject we wish we knew nothing about, this is pretty much a matter of science.
   Zen is the word :)