Surprise surprise!

   It was July 5, 2016, and I decided to wake up early and secretly take my test. My period was a day late and I'm usually right on time. I hadn't noticed much different with my body besides sore breasts and I had actually felt like I would get my period and then nothing was happening. With any thyroid problems and especially with Hashimoto's it is imperative to be on top of your bloodwork. You really need to know what your numbers are before trying to conceive and although we weren't necessarily trying, in fact - we had kind of given up on the idea that we would be parents again - we weren't opposed to the idea either. We had both decided the wonderful, amazing girls we have are truly enough. That doesn't mean the rest of our people felt the same. We still heard the same verbiage of how the girls wanted a sibling, how some  wished Clayton had a biological child, despite his incredible journey he took to be allowed to adopt the girls.
   With a body like mine, you have to know almost before you miss your first period if you are pregnant because your TSH numbers can shoot through the roof before you know it. And if your numbers are too high, miscarriage is eminent. There is no amount of doctoring that can fix it. As soon as I thought I might be pregnant, I took a pregnancy  test and then doubled up my thyroid medication before we even called our OB doctor with the news. I hadn't spoken to them since I got the all clear last year ... incidentally our last miscarriage was dated July 5, 2015. When I called, I immediately recognized this wasn't my doctor's nurse from before. You build a sort of report when you go through death with someone. Everyone in the office took such great care of us and some would mutter about how brave we were or strong. They admired us. This new nurse got acquainted with my charts on the phone. "I'm going to pull up your history and ......(pauses &  it seemed to last two minutes)...." I lightened the feel and said that we did have quite a history with them. "Yes, the first thing that jumps out at me is that you've had multiple miscarriages.......(another long pause).......and now I'm wondering about your TSH numbers." With a smile on my face in the phone I announced that I have two TSH tests and other bloodwork that was done previously and results from the lab work currently  and I would immediately be bringing those results. You could hear the relief in her voice. We dropped them over immediately and later that afternoon, the nurse called with no special instructions and they said everything looked in range.
   Our first appointment is July 28 - two days after my husband's 30th birthday. What a birthday present!
We are doing all we can to ensure a safe pregnancy. I've been taking my rounds of supplements and I am in really great health. My blood pressure is excellent and my TSH is in the new guidelines which is a huge relief!
   At this time, we have decided to keep our circle very small about the news of our little one....neither one of us wants to really deal with other people's hopes and dreams right now on this reality for us. It's our journey and we are excited, scared, anxious and hopeful. We don't need to add anyone else's worries, thoughts, careless verbalizations. It doesn't help much to hear that it won't happen again, that God has plans for us or any of that kinds of nonsense. With our history and vast knowledge on a subject we wish we knew nothing about, this is pretty much a matter of science.
   Zen is the word :)

Survival of the Flares: Some people make it, some don't

"To  be Jedi is to face the truth, and choose. Give off light, or darkness, Padawan. Be a candle or the night."---Yoda, Jedi Knight of Star Wars

Photo by Cris Ness

"Facing Hashimoto's the Ness Way"

Copyrighted 2015

   I love my job!  I'm a server and bartender in a bustling brewery...what could be better?! I love the people  I meet and the ones I stand along side, grinding the shift, to make their dreams come true. Last night, I shared a story with a coworker about a four-year-old boy in my section that recognized me when I approached the table. He proclaimed,"Hey I've seen you run!...I've seen you run by my house!" I told my coworker it was great to hear because I've really had to taper back my activities. I talked about trying to get on top of my "flares" through healing from the inside out and it can take months to begin to see or feel results.He looked puzzled and asked what's wrong with me. He said he has never noticed anything...that  I am one of the most vibrant and positive people he's ever met. After I explain my autoimmune conditions, he smiled and said I am a shining example for people. I never complain and I'm always radiating positivity. I guess I'm a candle :)Thank you, Padawan Learner Conger😊
   Autoimmune Flares: A gigantic, enormous pain-in-the-booty obstacle when a person is trying live a life worth living! With autoimmune conditions, like fibromyalgia or Hashimoto's, outside factors like stress or a even a simple viral infection will start a  domino effect towards a life jolting medical condition called a flare.  And just what is a flare? Flares affect each individual differently. For me, a flare has physical and psychological aspects. Physically, every joint including my toe joints ache and is inflamed. Simply rising out of bed feels like that time you might remember as having the worst flu of your life. Walking to the bathroom deserves a medal of sorts made of glittering gold. Then there is the fatigue...it's not to be confused with tired. Tired means you can sleep and feel refreshed. Fatigue is sleeping 20 hours and when you wake you are still in the middle of a fog land. You feel as exhausted as when you went to bed. Now add in some hellish anxiety that haunts your waking moments and also my slumber can be filled with INTENSE night terrors due to high anxiety present add in some severe sweating issues while sleeping and that's MY flare. Flares can be this intense lasting for days. I've literally had 24 hour periods where the only time I've been up among the living is for my four hour work shift.

   My last flare was debilitating and it really frightened my family. It brought forth the questions from our kids like, "Mom, can what you have make you die?" I'm always honest. With a brave smile, I said "yes it can, but I'm not going anywhere!" Dealing with a flare leaves little time for relationships with others. My main priority has got to be me and mine. My true friends and family whole heartedly understand this.

  Photo by Cris Ness

"Luna Magic"

Copyrighted 2015

    The positive thing I can say about a flare is that it really takes the hard work out of finding out who really loves you and who is just using you. My friends all know me. They are confident in our relationship that  I'm not blowing them off. When I've made plans and end up canceling (which has had to happen more than a few times) because I don't feel well, I get texts back saying,"hey I'm sorry! If you need me to do anything, I'm your lady!" I'm super lucky I've surrounded myself with these kind of people. Of course, I rarely take them up on it, but having the offer is awesome!
   On this Hashimoto's journey we are on, I've met new people that I really am drawn to but again at this moment in time, I have no extra energy to develop a relationship. If those people are meant to be in my life, they will still be there when I am finished healing myself up.
   Some of my other friends haven't survived the flares. Those are the people that need to see a sick person as proof of their personal doctor's note. My absence doesn't raise inquiries besides loathing thoughts of me not being able to accommodate them in some way. I hear phrases like "You are always sick!" ...yeah imagine how my family feels...or how I do! "You haven't been out or even to my house in months!" ....my response is usually, "You are right. I've had enough energy lately to scale back a few hours at my work so I could be a wife and mom and do things with them. Yes
I haven't been well enough to make time for other things."

•  Hashimoto's is a mostly invisible illness...It's a very private battle fought within yourself. Stress is a big trigger. When I'm collecting negative guff for not being able to make appearances at other people's children's ball games, fundraisers or even to host a sleepover, I keep my flare survival in mind. I become my own Jedi Master. Nobody is going to extinguish my candle of positivity and hope by holding me captive in their proverbial darkness.

1. My family and myself come first. Period. Nobody is going to guilt me into taking on extra duties for them. I'm certainly worth more than that.
2. Flares happen. A flare happens even when you are healing. Stay the course and do what you need to do to survive your flare.
3. Cuddles are worth a million dollars. My husband and kids are championship material when it comes to cuddling. I may not have the energy at this moment to play badminton, but I sure am open to cuddles and a family movie!
4. Keep stress at bay. You can't change people's opinion if you are really sick. Those who truly love you, won't make you prove it. And if they want you to, then I guess they are going to have to wait until you feel up to filling their demands...which for me is probably never. I mean, when I really could've used a helping hand with helping out with my family---where were they?! Not looking any further than their silly demands.
5. Enjoy the simple in every day. Allow yourself to say no to others. You are worth it! Every day is a good day sprinkled with opportunities to make it grand. Be light. Be a candle. When you are down, reread your favorite book, look through the window and watch a feathered friend, indulge in celebrating you by embracing who you are.

   I've spent my healing time focusing on my family, celebrating our moments and truly feeling blessed with everyone who has kept in touch with me while I heal. Those people are my tribe, my clan, my village and I love each and every one of them...including my online friends that I might have never laid eyes on but have taken a liking to me and my shenanigans.

May Shenanigans Always Be With You and Within You.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

Really, I am a fierce WARRIOR!!!

   I've always been an active person...swimming, yoga, running 10k, teaching cardio and water yoga classes, volunteering at local schools in the running department...yes I'm active. Many times I would be contacted via online or text to give someone the push needed to get off the couch and I will gladly do it! After all, I needed to work out that day too...I treated every day as a new exciting chapter and I included exercise as part of my daily ritual. It kept my mood light, I felt good about myself and I knew those pesky pounds would stay away! My scale could be two pounds light or heavy depending on the hour, so despite the aches and pains, I thought a girl has to do what a girl has to do! I needed to be a shining example to our daughters, coworkers and family...fitness is where it's at! Below is daughter Sydnie and I doing partner yoga at one of our favorite lakes where we live. The next shot is me, 40 years old, at the aquatic managment position I held for 10 years.

   Since my Hashimoto's diagnosis in the beginning of 2016, I've spent much of my time and energy on learning how to deal with this autoimmune condition. I am finally ready to admit I have chronic pain with my condition. My usual routine of dealing with this was through yoga, spiritual teachings and absolutely no medication. I never lined up for over-the-counter remedies. I always believed mind over matter. Eventually, I would become so run down, I might be laid up in bed for three days, possibly put on anxiety medication and told to alleviate stress. Soon, I would pick myself back up and start my daily rituals again.
   Chronic pain is not something you'll hear me talk about much. I keep my aches and pains to myself.  My philosophy is that whining about it will do nobody in my life any good and that includes me. Once I've admitted the many, many ways I hurt, my awesome family can now recognize the signs of me having a "bad" day....slightly puffy eyes, moving just a half step slower than my regular speeding. People at work might ask me if I have got enough sleep because I look tired. When I hear these things, that means it's time for me to identify what's going on to stay on top of my Hashimoto's.

   This is me and my fierce and feisty, sweet and loving girl, Chica, cuddling and resting like I sometimes need to. See my thyroid eyes ;)
  I battle inflammation in my joints daily. I control the inflammation with a morning cocktail! No I'm not binging alcohol but a lovingly mixed drink of 4 oz. Orange juice, 1 tsp turmeric powder, 1/8 tsp cream of tartar, 1/8 tsp pink sea salt, 1/8 tsp black pepper...this is a refreshing treat for my adrenal glands and hits my inflamed joints! Depending on the day, I may indulge in this amazing wonder drink up to three times a day. Incorporating turmeric in my body has changed my life! Last month, I swam the butterfly stroke for 20 minutes and my shoulders haven't been able to perform that stroke in a decade!
   Experts are finding that although exercise is very important for Hashimoto's people, it is also important to allow the down time for your body to heal. With a very anxious, worried mind and a rather large gulp, I cut back my workouts to 2 to 3 times per week. I watched and I waited. With the extra time that I normally devoted to myself, I continued to center on me by resting and researching while I did it. I've invested lots of my time to healing my immune system through autoimmune dietary changes and incorporating vitamin and mineral supplements to balance my systems.
   Results aren't immediate, and once you've started on the Hashimoto's road, you'll quickly discover results are seen in minimum 6 weeks to 3 months. Change is slow. I try to remember I didn't get this way overnight. My family supports my healing process. They see many many more good days happening. There's no shame in becoming the champion cuddle warrior to help speed the process of healing from the inside out....while I daydream of participating in my private ironman competition.