My name is Cris and my husband
and I cosleep with our newborn.
Let's just let that sink in for a moment...we...sleep...in...the...same...bed...as...our...baby....
In this crazy day and age in the United States, parents like us feel the necessity to keep this
forbidden activity a secret from friends, family and even coworkers and neighbors. And before I get people taking gigantic steps up to their proverbial soap box, I feel I can say a few words about this subject and it's not one that I take lightly.
I came from a family where we are the statistic..my sibling, Sabrina Jo, died of SIDS or Sudden Infant Death Syndrome at the age of six months. My parents awoke one morning to one less child breathing in this world. My parents followed all of the "guidelines" of the day. My mom did not smoke with my sister growing in her belly. They followed all the rules. She was in her own bed. She was not too hot or too cold. My family practiced "safe" sleeping guidelines. SIDS happened to my family.
I do not have any memories of my sister while she was alive. I was only five years old. My memories are of how she looked in her tiny casket. How they put make-up on her face and didn't they know make-up was for adults? I remember the cold, waxy feel of her skin and how her smell was tainted. I would later smell that familiar smell in my high school science classroom. I have memories of random sad faces. I didn't understand how we could leave her alone in the ground. I was terrified of angels taking the rest of my family. I learned very early on that life just isn't fair.
During my youth, I spent time researching SIDS. And even into my adulthood, I keep an eye on the research to see if the scientists and doctors are making any headway. Thirty years later, there still are unanswered questions to this label. I call it a label because sometimes infant death receives the SIDS label when the death is unexplained. It is still a mystery.
People like myself grow up physically. We meet someone and we eventually want to have a family of our own, regardless of the intense fear. Somehow, you conquer your brain and go for it. That first year of your child's life, you are a bundle of nerves. You read up on all the guidelines for sleeping, look at any new research, some of us pray.
We sleep with our newborn and I'm here to say that I'm proud that I do. Our Finn has her own bed on our bed...it's called a sleep nest. I learned of this nifty little piece while looking into other countries like Finland and how they handle their infants. We aren't the only country that has babies. There is a whole great world out there that has successful child rearing going on. According to the National Center for Education for Maternal and Child Health at Georgetown University, compared to rates in other developed countries, the U.S. SIDS rate remains high. For example, in 2005, the U.S. rate ranked second highest (after New Zealand) among 13 countries in a research study by Fern Hauck and Kawai Tanabe. The lowest SIDS rates among these countries were in the Netherlands and Japan. And according to
James J. McKenna, PhD, "Most cultures that routinely practice cosleeping, in any form, have very rare instances of SIDS. SIDS occurrences are among the lowest in the world in Hong Kong, where cosleeping is extremely common".
There are safe ways to sleep with your infant, so that people like myself, can sleep. But sadly, there are few resources in America where parents can find good information. A big push of governmental offices is to push families into not having a hands on approach to sleeping. We just received a parcel through the postal mail from our state's Governor that included several pamphlets and a child's book about safe sleeping including sleeping alone in the crib. My husband and I agreed that we wanted to be safely close to our little miracle all of the time. We've been through so much and with our history of miscarriages and my own history with SIDS, we looked into all options.
Safe Ways To Cosleep
According to the United Kingdom's
The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE), there are some safety guidelines to follow.
- Keep your baby cool by using sheets and blankets rather than a duvet.
- Ensure bedding does not cover your baby’s face or head.
- Always put your baby to sleep on their back rather than their front or side.
- Babies don’t need a pillow until they are at least a year old. They should also be kept away from parents' pillows.
- Never risk falling asleep with your baby on a sofa or armchair. If you’re feeling really tired and think you may fall asleep with your baby while feeding or cuddling them on a sofa or armchair, move to a bed (keeping in mind the safety guidelines above) or, if possible, ask your partner, friend or family member to look after them while you get some rest.
For more indepth research and tips on cosleeping, click
here.
We enjoy cosleeping. She practically has her own half of our bed and we enjoy ours -my husband and I love to 'sleep pile'--- sleep in a pile. :) We like to cuddle together and listen to her breathing, dreaming and laughing in her sleep right next to us. There is a loving touch from one of us as soon as she utters a noise. I can groggily breastfeed our baby from the comfort of our bed and maybe catch a few zzz's afterwards before we start our exciting days. Finn enjoys her nest---sleeping and then waking up and looking around the room in which she was born. There is nothing more natural to us. And honestly, I think many of the people we know cosleep at some point of their infant's life....they are just closet cosleepers.
We cosleep - Hear Our ROAR!
