Baby drop: Lock and Load

   We past another week from this picture and are in the 28th week! It was a week full of surprises on top of being Yule/Christmas week. We had been looking forward to our December appointment for months---another ultrasound, and the start of bi-weekly on visits. The days preceding this appointment were let's just say uncomfortable. I haven't slept more than an hour at a time, having to do yoga during the night to simply be comfortable, and let's not forget about the breathing..I NEED AIR! And then over the course of two days, the baby dropped, my ribs quit aching and the pelvic pressure began...and so did some scary spotting....
   We've been here before, and I've had pre-term labor with one of the girls, this is not a picnic we're setting up for. We called our on immediately and had to come directly into the office....baby is fine, I'm fine despite the unexplained spotting and pelvic pressure. The baby is not under stress. The next day we had our regularly planned appointment with extra emphasis on our ultrasound to include a detailed look at the cervix.

The cysts on our baby's brain we've worried about for 8 weeks have disappeared! My placenta is just as it should be, and my cervix is closed and the length it needs to be....everything looks perfect! The baby is carrying really low however, and the time has come for me to hang up my working shoes and take life slow like the waddling turtle that I have become. The baby has dropped and the head is down....our little one is preparing to meet us!
   Our Wee Baby Ness is quite active with plenty of room for the time being. The baby love she our yoga sessions and I'm convinced we will have quite a time getting the nights and days switched around. I get kicked and punched the entire yoga meditation session....we are going to have the most enlightened baby! I've been reading Tibetan Buddhist passages to the wee one as well in preparation for an easy transitional birthing experience.
   Speaking of that, it's come time for us to center on our birthing plan. I've always done natural childbirth but this time I am open to a little help and that is a big step for me. Next month we have a birthing class and before you know it, it will be show time!........If only it really can go that fast. I've been on light detail for three days now and am already going stir crazy. 24 hour periods are long....I'm going to miss the Firehouse Brewing Company family, the regular customers and that aspect of my life. I truly just need to focus on this last home stretch of this incredible journey we are living.
We hope you enjoy your holidays, whatever you celebrate!

Blessings!

My first SIGNATURE COLLECTION went live!

   Yes friends from around the globe...my art has taken on WORLDWIDE status!

My Designer Label

I have finally  hit the mainstream! It wasn't expected, I wasn't strolling down that avenue really---it just happened!!! My first official SIGNATURE COLLECTION of bags and women's accessories went live last night at around 8:00 p.m. MST. Preorder my designs and VIDA will make them!

PLEASE CHECK IT OUT HERE!
Enjoy 15% off your purchase using code Welcome15
OR
Enjoy $50 off your purchase of $250+ using code Welcome50
Expires in just 7 Days, on 12/07/16.

  
   I am beyond  thrilled ---maybe over the moon--- to share with you my latest collection on VIDA!
This collection represents some of my best artwork from over the past two years and is very authentic to who I am as an artist. I'm really proud today to share this work with you. It includes selections from my canvas artistry to my photographic elemental collection.
  I'm really excited to collaborate with VIDA for this collection. VIDA is a new kind of fashion ecommerce company that connects artists like me all over the world with producers to bring our work to life. For every product sold, VIDA hopes to provide the gift of literacy to the makers they work with. I'm very proud to be in partnership with this company! A percentage of every sale goes to an artist like myself, to the manufacturer and also to the employees in the small facilities they work with to provide the skills for them to learn to read, write and do basic math. Many of these employees are women.  To learn more about VIDA's story, click this link.

I hope this post find you and yours well as we in the Northern Hemisphere close in on the Winter Solstice bringing the promise of the light and those of you in the Southern Hemisphere with thoughts of the romantic longer evenings ahead of you.

BLESSINGS!

Bonding: A struggle of pregnancy after loss

  One of the cold, hard truths of suffering a miscarriage or multiple miscarriages is that bonding with your unborn is delayed...sometimes weeks, months or until after the birth. A couple or family will find it very difficult to bond when they've had to endure such a horrific tragedy. The fear of loving that little growing person takes a mighty grip on your soul. Even if you've spent years trying to conceive, the hard reality of losing the very thing you have been working toward can take its emotional tole on you.

   You tell yourself you are going to pretend nothing is going on and resume life as usual, still going through the motions of pregnancy....but not talking about it. You secretly countdown the days of the "dangerous" time of pregnancy. Pretty soon, you are in that 1% bracket of pregnancies that end in miscarriage and you still really can't celebrate BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN THE 1%.
   You keep the pregnancy to yourselves, not wanting to make yet another mass announcement that a piece of you has died, never to return. You don't want the awkward conversations or the ones supposed to make you feel better, but only make you feel worse. There's no funeral for your created miracle and there are several terms they refer to your baby as terms other than "baby" and your life is changed forever. You are never the same person that you were, and this happens after EACH miscarriage.
   I wanted this pregnancy to be celebrated...it is a life we created, in strength, courage and hope. And we have celebrated from the start. We told a small teeny tiny circle of people and went about reminding ourselves to breath and try to enjoy every moment of this little life. As much as we wanted to shout it from the rooftops, like our expecting friends and family were doing, we kept to ourselves....because it is our little family's journey.
   When I started showing, I opened up more to the people around me. I talked about my baby and remained positive. Some know our history, some do not. Some say quirky things that are innocent but naive and some tell me daily how brave we are. Some just give me uplifting smiles...and they are appreciated.
   I believe we are coping fairly well...I've documented this pregnancy from the start, photos, memorabilia, this blog. But as time has gone on, we still are being very private about this exciting life we've created. Are we not bonding with our baby?....We have been preparing for the arrival as a family though...working on sewing diapers, putting together storage, holding the belly and talking to the little person inside. We've done maternity photo sessions, prepared where the baby will be, talked about how to be big a big sister when you've been the baby for 13 years, or how parenting will go for us, bought books on birthing methods. My husband has now told a few of his customers that we are expecting a baby complete with pictures and tales.

   And as scary as it sounds, I'm opening up to the idea of a baby shower. You may laugh when I say scary, but it is to people pregnant after loss. What are we supposed to do with the baby's stuff given to us if we don't get to bring our baby home again? What does life look like after that?
   The subject of bonding with the unborn came up in one of my online support groups for hypothyroid moms and dads and parents who've lived through what we have. Some of them were truly struggling with bonding...they even had difficulty talking to their little miracle. Some support given instructed them to make big announcements as early as possible, that this life is worth celebrating, to use this time to get into the subject of how this baby is a baby from the start. Some brought forth their religious values to this subject and in turn caused controversy.
   It got me thinking about if our little baby was being "neglected" because of our past history. I began worrying that we might not be bonding with our baby because we haven't made a big announcement or I wasn't allowing anyone to plan a baby shower yet...but after looking back at how we've planned, laughed, privately celebrated and have been preparing, I think we are doing just fine in that department.
   My conclusion.....Don't fall into the idea that you need to make a statement for the world. Just be. Prepare how you chose to. Do what you feel is right for you....it's your journey!

Blessings!

Just breathe: another milestone hit

Pregnancy after Loss

"Be Still. Close your Eyes. Breathe.

I am worthy of this baby."

  Yesterday, was a big day for us. It was a time of excitement, fear, joy and nervousness. It was our  20 week ultrasound appointment...a big occasion here in the United States for expecting families. It's a chance to view your little one, scrutinize at all the bone structures, organ structures and watch the antics of the little human you are growing. And on a side for us, it's a chance to look at the anatomy to see if you need to be preparing for a little hooligan of a boy or the excessive giggles of a little girl.

"Out of difficulties, grow miracles."

My daughter, story about her below, and I during

a DIY photo shoot in the Black Hills, South Dakota.

   We weren't quite sure how this appointment would go, the fear of the unknown and whatnot. You never quite recover from seeing a non-beating heart on that screen...the fear is always in the back of your mind.  I've also had excessive stress around me that could not be avoided---raising teenagers isn't for the weak hearted and they have lives of their own too.
   Our teen daughter made up her mind to make her own plans one evening without us knowing and after she didn't arrive home, I instantly knew something was amiss. I began calling, texting, driving to her activity center. This particular daughter always keeps us updated and would go out of her way to not make anyone worry. Long story short, I finally received a text from her after she was missing an hour saying that she had made a mistake, wrecked and totaled my four-wheel drive and was 50 miles from home in the forest in an area that had no cell phone coverage and that she needed help but was unsure where she was. My husband and I drove the deserted roads for three hours trying to find her. She somehow came out with only a concussion and bruising when she lost control of the vehicle and went over an 8 foot embankment, waking up in a running creek in the dark, in the middle of a desolate area. She had crawled out of the creek, and walked and ran in the dark  to the nearest homestead she could find to be able to use WIFI to text. I'm so thankful to report she is alive and well....and currently grounded. The stress levels with that were well beyond overload.
   I rested and slept as much as I could to recover from that horrible night. haha She is so sorry beyond words and with the anticipation of the Wee Baby Ness and  was just terribly worried her teen actions would hurt her sibling. The weekend that followed held a beautiful  reminder for our family as the Wee Baby Ness kicked hard all that night so everyone could feel the little miracle. It was a nice reminder that we had everything that was really important safe and sound in our home with us...the situation could have easily been horrifying.

Our awesome teen

   This past month, I have incorporated my Vitamin B Complex back into rotation, to see if that indeed had any merit on my pregnancy metabolism. I'm thrilled to report that it did! I gained only two pounds this month and my blood pressure is right on target.

20 weeks and

counting blessings

   The thirty minute scan was amazing. Our baby is growing and measuring right where she/he needs to be! We saw movement all the time, little glimpses of the personality as he/she dealt with the intruding machine on it's cozy home. Our sonographer took us through every step, telling us what she was looking at and throwing in the occasional "Cute!" comment.

Namaste from the Wee Baby Ness

We got about 10 shots for us to take home on disc or fingers, feet, faces, the entire body. It was a very enjoyable time watching the facial movements, waving arms, fingers grasping, eye rubbing.  Our baby measures about 14 ounces...that's on the heavy end of weight gains. This looks like it could be a challenge later for my 5'3", used to be 120 pound frame...time will tell!

Our daughter Keira

and the belly

   The other members of our family are doing very well! Our middle school-aged daughter had her first art exhibition and show and our other daughter is nursing her first broken heart from a break-up from aone and a half year relationship...we've got lots of going ons in our household this past month!

Talking with Dah!

We are 16' goin' on 17 da-da dum da Dee daaah

  The Wee Baby Ness has made an appearance and even strangers can now see our delight. Rainbow babies are extra special and make everyone smile! If you aren't aware of what a rainbow baby is, it is a baby conceived after a loss or miscarriage. Using the universal sign of hope, a rainbow, symbolizes the beautiful part of making it through a terrible and powerful storm, of which we are so fortunate to have survived. We've been waiting for a rainbow for a few years.
   My shifts at the brewery have been shortened, to give more time to prepare for baby....and relax. I always have amazing stories though from the people I meet. The other day, as I explained our menu to a young couple, their inquisitive toddler sat there. Mid sentence, I felt a POKE POKE POKE on my belly and I looked down to see their little girl poking the Wee Baby Ness and smiling and blabbering on to the little occupant in my womb. I smiled as I felt the wiggles from inside me. I really enjoy the fact that everyone in my life, strangers included, treating me - us - as if the baby is a "somebody" already. My coworkers chat up the Wee Baby Ness, one always pokes, and all of them give affectionate rubs. Our family also takes turns chatting and caressing.

My view of our Fierce little Ness

Another month has flown by and we have seen our primary OBGYN again. I've been feeling pretty great although I've had a few episodes of heart palpitations and vision changes, both associated with m hypothyroidism. I'm still donning my own jeans with a belly band, despite the big growth expanse in my belly region. Again, I battled the terrible nerves of stepping on that scale at the doctor's office. But what did I really have to worry about...right?! The same smiling faces greeted us at the office and I turned the corner to see that silver menace...the scale. With a deep breath, I stepped on...drumroll....BOOM.....I gained a whopping 9 pounds over the last month. **sigh** Internally, I was/and continue to be ----devastated. My blood pressure was right on target, so that fact is awesome. Next stop, a meet with the OB and to listen to the heartbeat.
   We found the little pitter patter heartbeat immediately, and big smiles filled the room, but quickly the squirming began. It was as if the Wee Baby Ness discovered the hiding spot was comprised and said,"Ske-Daddle!!!" We all laughed as the baby scurried all over, running from the Doppler. The heartbeat was good, a moving baby is excellent! Smiles all around! Now....back to the weight gain. Where, why, how??? I'm gluten intolerant so that's usually where the bulk of most people's diet problems lie. We tested my TSH and that came back normal...Thank the Gods! They assured me they had no worries at this time and sometimes people gain lots one month and hardly any the next. We just need to wait it out and see if any more hypothyroid symptoms rear their ugly head.
   Of course my brain couldn't let it drop after we got home....I researched water retention remedies, and stumbled upon B complex vitamins. I had been taking them and just didn't pick anymore up when I ran out. I discovered this may contribute to a sluggish metabolism...hopefully BINGO!
   Time will tell if this helps at all or if more hypothyroid symptoms will begin creeping in. I'm so
thankful that the baby is healthy and growing...and that we are enjoying every moment of this
journey! Meanwhile, we keep preparing by making diapers and thinking of things we are going to
need when March 2017 arrives!

My champion family who I love with all my heart! My husband is helping me make cloth diapers and 

our daughter is building the chest of drawers for storage for baby.

Swimming in chlorine: Chemicals in your water

   I have been an avid swimmer most of my life. I even spent a decade as a lifeguard, swim instructor, pool operator and lifeguard instructor. I love, love, LOVE swimming. I haven't been able to swim since July of this year and finally my husband and I swam this past week!

Here we are at our favorite indoor facility!

   We live in a climate that waters do not remain open year round so we are mostly swimming in chlorinated pools. There has been lots of documented information that points to chlorine or bromine in swimming pool as a cause for low thyroid. Fluoride in water and toothpaste can also affect your thyroid. All three of these chemicals interfere with the absorption of Iodine.  Finding this information out crushed me. Swimming is my sanctuary, especially during my healing process. Getting rid of fluoride from your life is a subject for another blog.
  I really thought about it....How can I do my favorite sport and stay safe? Your skin is your biggest and most exposed organ. Think about that. Think about all the "stuff" you put on your skin to either feel good or better. I had already started making my own sunscreen with safe ingredients for autoimmune people---so why not make a liquid body armor so my skin doesn't absorb chlorine?
   One way to tell if your skin has absorbed the chlorine is if you smell of chlorine long after you've swam. There were many many times I would smell like chlorine daily, especially during the summer months. That meant I was operating with chlorine in my system constantly, blocking iodine from getting into my system where it belonged.
   I started experimenting with my sunscreen formula and took out the zinc, added more beeswax and a little more apricot oil and it is perfectly waterproof. My sunscreen recipe can be found in a previous post on this blog. I tried this out and the water beaded up throughout my whole swim. I coated my hair with this as well so my strands wouldn't suck up any inferior chemicals. Score one for the Hashimoto's warrior!

Here I am this week ---15 weeks and counting! Our little bump is coming along nicely. I keep occupied with my family, brewery business and simple things!

A little friend in our backyard

by Cris M. Ness

The Ness Crew

September 2016

The 2016 Harvest Moon

by Cris M. Ness

Celtic Reiki and me: Treehugger deluxe edition

   Yesterday was a big day...I was completing the LAST double (double serving shift) at the Firehouse Brewery, also remembering the thousands of people who lost their lives on 9/11 in the USA fifteen years earlier, but I also completed my attunement for Reiki Level 2 Practitioner in Celtic reiki.

....also I felt our Wee Baby Ness move around all day! It's always a surprise to feel your little moving about in there at first. It started with a faint internal poke, then again. An hour later, yup, I felt the sensation again. It's official---I'm manifesting and growing the mighty Thor at 14 weeks LOL! I've been feeling our little one all day today too. There's no denying our excitement as we are in the second trimester!

   What is Celtic reiki? I sure hadn't heard of it and I'm in the Reiki business. As soon as I stumbled upon it, I knew it was exactly what I needed to be into. This form of reiki differs a little from traditional reiki in attunement so as well as knowledge of meridians in the body for body work, it also utilizes other energies to accomplish healing.  I am of Viking ancestry...there's no denying it, I am always drawn to that root. I've always had a healthy relationship with trees and plants, even as a child. My parents would remark about my "green thumb". After reading about how I would be attuned to the vibrations of the trees and plants, I knew.  This was what I've been looking for! 

Practitioners of Celtic reiki, also known as Bio-energy healing, believe that the power of the universal life force can be enhanced by calling upon additional energy forms that are connected to the earth and things of the natural world. Combinations of different life form vibrations, like in trees and plants, will make a healing or goal manifestation session most effective. In essence, we believe we are ALL connected.

   There are three distinct types of healing energies: earth derives energies, the second is manifestation  energies and the third is master healing energies. A Celtic reiki session usually last up to an hour and utilizes the placing of hands that will trigger a deep state of relaxation.

   Celtic reiki can be used in healing as well as goal manifestation. These are achieved through meditation practices. These meditation practices can encourage an energy flow in such a way that a person's goals are realized on the physical plane. 

   I will be achieving my Master in Celtic Reiki soon and will be bringing that to the Black Hills area. In this day and age, folks need all the help they can get with their day to day lives. 

Giggles, grins: Some firsts and Lasts

We look fabulous at 13 weeks!

   It's been a month since we've been to our OB and this week we could hardly wait. We've all been working hard all summer long because of the nature of our industry. We live in an area of the United States that lives off of the visiting tourists. Our "weekends" exist on Mondays and Tuesdays. I work as much as I can for three months, to kick back and take it easy for nine, working part-time at the brewery. The first trimester of this pregnancy has really been flawless for us for a change...no spotting, no vomiting, no cramping, no real reason to worry.

10-11 week bump

August 2016

   Last weekend, we took the first real weekend mini-vacation, in well over a year. It was a great opportunity to talk to our parents and let them know about the Wee Baby Ness. All parties involved were genuinely surprised and shocked and relieved to hear how closely involved we've been with our health practitioners.

Two of our beautiful girls

on our mini-vacation

August, 2016

   Fast forward to Tuesday afternoon and we found ourselves clinging to each other in our OB's office trying to break the nasty streak of the horrible second time visits. I felt really good, nausea is subsiding, my energy has slowly returned, I still fit in my pants. All great signs. With a call of my name and a turn of the corner, it was time to step on the scale...secretly something I had been worrying about the past two weeks. With all of my previous pregnancies, even those including my live births, I gained weight like an elephant! We are talking I could gain up to three pounds overnight. With our last live birth, my little normally 120 pound frame was walking this earth with an over 200 pound body...little did we know at that time it was the effects of hypothyroidism and I would go over a decade without a proper diagnosis or treatment. Those were not fun times. I took a breath and stepped on the scale...I looked at the numbers and looked at an already smiling husband. Three pounds. Completely normal weight gain for the first trimester! 

   Big smiles from the staff as soon as we entered the nurse/doctor hub in the internal office. We nervously smiled back. I entered the blood room myself as Clayton waited in my exam room. The attendant marveled at my veins and eyed them with glistening eyes. "Ooooh you've got some nice ones!" I laughed and said they have long since gotten over being shy with being tested monthly or every six weeks.

   I re-entered the exam room and found Clayton playing with the usual things in the room. He enjoys rolling around on the stool, acting like a doctor, using the foam cleanser on the wall. He became the doctor as soon as I entered and made us laugh. After a little while, our trusted OB came bounding in. She asked the standard questions and then prepared us for hearing the heartbeat for the first time. "Now this is the Doppler machine and we are going to listen to the heartbeat of your baby. At this stage, sometimes it is hard to find them as it is so tiny right now, but we will find it!"

   I laid back and as soon as she applied the Doppler to my belly, we heard it instantly. She smiled and made a joke to her assistant that she was three for three on the day. "Nice! Hear that? It is a healthy 160!" Clayton fumbled around with my smartphone for a video. She ended up helping him with his cameraman skills! "Ok, that's a good one...erase that previous one!" She is a hoot! We were smiles upon smiles with that thumping. She told us congratulations three times - we certainly are feeling like a success story for the time being. She reminded us that they would be calling us with the news of my bloodwork and was pleased when I said I felt it was right on target because I haven't been noticing any thyroid symptoms.

My new meditation blanket

   We are on our way into the second trimester! Today, we received the news from the bloodwork and it is all in the "normal" ranges! Happy dances across the globe as I tell my tribe the good news!

  I've begun sewing some adorable little cloth diapers to keep positive. These really keep my spirits up and keep me centered.

 Things are looking grand. I'm going to continue what I've been doing, and hopefully I will return to my swimming routine soon. I've been missing out on some good swims! And now I can fashion a little baby bump in my bikini.

My last hurrah on my

bicycle until our baby

arrives! Riding the big

Mickelson Trail in the beautiful

Black Hills of South Dakota!

We both love riding

with this amazing man, my dad!

Stop the Madness! Your hormones will thank you!

If you suffer from a chronic illness like diabetes, Hashimoto's or any other autoimmune disorder or disease, you need to know about endocrine disruptors (chemicals that are found everywhere when you look) that can wreak havoc on your well being.
To know how this can affect your life, we need to first talk about your endocrine system.
My wha?? Yes, you have an endocrine system that is a very important system in the human body.
I'm not going to go into a bunch of medical blah blah blah...here's some things you'll notice your endocrine system does!
You want to lose/gain weight? That's a part of your endocrine system. How about remembering where you last put your keys or about an upcoming meeting time? You guessed it, that's information that your endocrine system controls. Heart rhythms, skipped periods, low libido? That's part of your endocrine system too! Your endocrine system controls many many areas of your body and with out it or if it becomes severely damaged, the human body can decline rapidly. According to the medical staff on WebMD, "The endocrine system influences how your heart beats, how your bones and tissues grow, even your ability to make a baby. It plays a vital role in whether or not you develop diabetes, thyroid disease, growth disorders, sexual dysfunction, and a host of other hormone-related disorders." It's kind of a big deal.
So what can disrupt your endocrine system? Look in your medicine cabinet. Look in your make-up case. Do you put mass manufactured baby oil or lotion on your biggest organ - YOUR SKIN - daily? Anything we put on our bodies, gets absorbed into us and can disrupt an already faulty or struggling endocrine system. Even room sprays and air fresheners like Febreeze can harm a person trying to get their system back in line. Perfume, mass produced deodorant and laundry detergent can all disrupt your system.
So what is a person gonna do? My recovery plan for my flailing adrenals and confused hormones, I turned to cutting out all non-toxic cleaning materials, laundry supplies, body lotions, sprays, sunscreens and even shampoos. I make most of my own products for our house and if I don't have success making the products, I can usually find something in one of my natural stores or online to fit the bill.

People cannot argue with my results. In a year, I have overhauled my body internally. For the first time in over twenty years, I have been off allergy remedies and medications. And this is just one change that I've noticed. I've noticed several other things like not breaking out inexplainably in hives, I do not have dry itchy skin anymore and my brain fog seems to have loosed up its' grip on me! New lady!

Check out these great items!!

Things for dry skin:

• Coconut oil
• African Shea Butter
• Olive oil

Toothpaste replacement:
I love the brand Tom's, otherwise, baking soda with a dash of peppermint, tea tree or lavender oil will do in a pinch!

Hair care:
Coconut milk based recipes are amazing for hair. You can find some here.
Honey and eggs are also a great conditioner for your skin and they are affordable!

All natural deodorant:
When I first went off commercial mass produced deodorant, I was freaked out. I was having to apply it two or three times a day to keep up with the funky smell. Firstly, I detoxed my armpits using this recipe. Then I purchased a salt block and used that. After a few weeks, I detoxed the pits again. After only six months, I do not even need to salt to start my day and leave the house!

When cleaning your home, look for products that are biodegradable, earth friendly and use essential oils to disinfect and clean. Anything that leaves a trail or a chemical haze in the air is really off limits for a while.

Do you like to burn wax? Try using a soy based wax melt scented with all natural essential oils without artificial coloring. These smell great and our family has  no issues with allergies while using these. These are my current favorites and the product is awesome!

A special note about baby oil: Mass produced baby oil is petroleum or mineral based. These kinds of products do not allow your skin to breath. It coats your skin and disrupts the process to cell regeneration. It actually ages your skin. Your pores do not function as they should. Vegetable or fruit based oils are suggested in place of petroleum or mineral oil.

   In the United States, efforts have been severely hampered by chemical lobbyists to change laws or put statutes in place to  remove the harmful endocrine disrupting agents from the shelves of the stores. Despite the work of several hardworking individuals, over a decade has passed with the measures still awaiting to be carried out. European nations are in a much better lot with their governmental agencies taking the scientific data seriously. For more information on the measures, click here.

Blessings!

Ask me about Distance Healings

or need a consult?

Cris Ness

Still hesitantly excited...and 10 weeks pregnant!

   We are in our tenth week of pregnancy....let me say that again! WE ARE IN OUR TENTH WEEK OF PREGNANCY! It really has flown by! Since I've last written, we've had our first in-person doctor visit complete with ten vials of blood and an ultrasound.

   The ultrasound....I knew we would be getting one but I didn't tell Clayton until we got there. That is very scary for couples that have experienced miscarriage. The last two ultrasounds I saw was first our deceased baby and then the next was an image of an empty womb. A sight you are supposed to be relieved to see, showing that everything had passed and I would be recovering, but that is not what you want to see at all deep in your heart of hearts. I would've given my existence to save that baby. Our ultrasound tech was perfect and was very very compassionate to our case. She was with us through it all before. We began, both of us not really looking at the projection on the television. "OK...see? ....See that little flickering right here? That's your baby's heart and it is flickering strong! Here is the head and here is the rump....now that we can all breath in here, I'm going to get started with my tests, OK?" She had her perfect bedside manner, as usual.

   After we were alone, I admitted that right before the test, I felt panic. My body hadn't changed much and I was twinged with fear of the empty womb. Clayton admitted he felt the same...we are so much alike at times. That moment of the flickering heart, the baby became real for him.

Our baby's flicker of a heart. Our chances of miscarriage statistically have dropped to  two  percent.

We've been in that two percent before....hold your breath!

   The rest of the appointment was full of completing my charts and scheduling upcoming appointments, urine samples and blood sampling. I was anxious for the bloodwork, this was going to be the marker on whether to truly get excited or not....
   About a week later, all of my test came in and the fated call blew up my phone. "Cristina? This is _______ OBGYN. I have your test results and we have a couple of things to talk about."....my heart truly sank. This is how those previous phone calls have been that ended in miscarriage. I mumbled alright. "First off, your TSH is great so we aren't doing anything with your dosage at this time. It is 0.2 and that's right where we want it. Secondly, you do not have an immunity to Rubella, so you will need an immunization after you have your baby in the hospital, okay?" I smiled and said, "Woo hoo! Thank you so much!!"
WHAT A RELIEF! I scooted upstairs to let Clayton know the news and we wore secret smiles the rest of the day!

   As the days have progressed, my bloating is up and down, mood is up and down and the cravings combined with nausea...ranch corn chips with chocolate milk, peppers upon peppers with blue cheese, gluten free bagels with cream cheese, spoons of peanut butter and beef...OH THE BEEF!
   Now all of our children know and that is a relief. It is difficult to keep such an exciting, scary and adventurous secret! They were great and not too scared. It's scary watching mom get sick and having her struggle. It's hard being the sibling of a baby taken too soon---you don't get to have fun memories with them, you get an injured mom and dad, sadness, worry that your mom and dad will never be the same, (and they never are the same---everyone in the house is changed from this hard realization that some things aren't always rosy) and then there is the anger. Anger that this happened to your family. It's hard being that sibling. And many people don't even think about the children involved in those families. Those kids are being strong and waiting for their world, their parents, to not be broken in a million pieces, and some parents never recover. For us, as a couple, we got stronger. We've gone through the deaths of children and somehow lived to tell about it. We are shining after the storm. And our kids are simply beautifully amazing.
  To keep our lives as stress free as possible, we are keeping a lid on things still. We still aren't out of the woods yet, despite the large beams of light upon us, and we just want to keep our lives as routine as possible. Our stress levels depends on it! A lingering question for me is whether my Hashimoto's antibodies will remain inactive. That's key for our success as well and it is beyond my control besides taking my selenium supplement and staying away from my identified triggers like gluten and stress. I am developing my Reiki practice daily and the meditation is invaluable to me. I am writing this blog as we go as a record for others like us....gathering every speck of courage on this journey called Hashimoto's and Hypothyroidism.

Here's me and my Mini Cooper! My husband rebuilt the engine for me!

   With the cooler weather heading our way and the holidays coming up, we will have some decisions to make about public appearances and my possible exposure to Rubella. After the journey we've been on, we won't be taking that lightly. We do not want the chance of causing birth defects in our unborn little. I personally plan on avoiding areas where the chance of exposure is great and this includes family gatherings like weddings and birthday parties, Thanksgiving and Christmas.

10 weeks pregnant!

Surprise surprise!

   It was July 5, 2016, and I decided to wake up early and secretly take my test. My period was a day late and I'm usually right on time. I hadn't noticed much different with my body besides sore breasts and I had actually felt like I would get my period and then nothing was happening. With any thyroid problems and especially with Hashimoto's it is imperative to be on top of your bloodwork. You really need to know what your numbers are before trying to conceive and although we weren't necessarily trying, in fact - we had kind of given up on the idea that we would be parents again - we weren't opposed to the idea either. We had both decided the wonderful, amazing girls we have are truly enough. That doesn't mean the rest of our people felt the same. We still heard the same verbiage of how the girls wanted a sibling, how some  wished Clayton had a biological child, despite his incredible journey he took to be allowed to adopt the girls.
   With a body like mine, you have to know almost before you miss your first period if you are pregnant because your TSH numbers can shoot through the roof before you know it. And if your numbers are too high, miscarriage is eminent. There is no amount of doctoring that can fix it. As soon as I thought I might be pregnant, I took a pregnancy  test and then doubled up my thyroid medication before we even called our OB doctor with the news. I hadn't spoken to them since I got the all clear last year ... incidentally our last miscarriage was dated July 5, 2015. When I called, I immediately recognized this wasn't my doctor's nurse from before. You build a sort of report when you go through death with someone. Everyone in the office took such great care of us and some would mutter about how brave we were or strong. They admired us. This new nurse got acquainted with my charts on the phone. "I'm going to pull up your history and ......(pauses &  it seemed to last two minutes)...." I lightened the feel and said that we did have quite a history with them. "Yes, the first thing that jumps out at me is that you've had multiple miscarriages.......(another long pause).......and now I'm wondering about your TSH numbers." With a smile on my face in the phone I announced that I have two TSH tests and other bloodwork that was done previously and results from the lab work currently  and I would immediately be bringing those results. You could hear the relief in her voice. We dropped them over immediately and later that afternoon, the nurse called with no special instructions and they said everything looked in range.
   Our first appointment is July 28 - two days after my husband's 30th birthday. What a birthday present!
We are doing all we can to ensure a safe pregnancy. I've been taking my rounds of supplements and I am in really great health. My blood pressure is excellent and my TSH is in the new guidelines which is a huge relief!
   At this time, we have decided to keep our circle very small about the news of our little one....neither one of us wants to really deal with other people's hopes and dreams right now on this reality for us. It's our journey and we are excited, scared, anxious and hopeful. We don't need to add anyone else's worries, thoughts, careless verbalizations. It doesn't help much to hear that it won't happen again, that God has plans for us or any of that kinds of nonsense. With our history and vast knowledge on a subject we wish we knew nothing about, this is pretty much a matter of science.
   Zen is the word :)

Reiki: power up!

     My healing Hashimoto's  journey has led me on some wild paths, some terrible journeys, some silver-ladened cobblestone corridors and some dark places sprinkled with blazing embers. I've learned so much about myself and ...and I am a champion because of it.
  

      My healing journey has expanded my mind, challenged me and my team to think off of the page, to really make me get acquainted with myself. I turned to art again to unlock any feelings or doubt or fear, I found the Eastern side of life. Yup, I did. What exactly does that mean? It simply means that the Western world may not have the answers I've been looking for....we are, after all, connected to the entire world, the universe, which incidentally seems to be far more vast that our little Western technological equipment could see!

    I really turned to yoga for a great exercise during flare times and it always had some wonderful benefits (like quieting my mind) and the philosophies taught are solid building blocks to a better you. The use of my massage therapy has also been a staple of keeping my inflammation in check as well as the amazing thing simple touch can do....which brings me to my latest and changing thing I've ever done. On June 30, 2016, I was attuned and am a Reiki I practitioner. In simple speak, I can channel the universal healing energy through my hands. This healing technique has been 'handed' (ha-see what I did there?) down from the dawn of time, this ancient healing method is life changing.

   During my Reiki I certification process, I spent hours on meditation and focusing on the chakra system of the body. What are chakras? Chakras are energy centers in the body that govern certain systems. Sometimes, when people go through tramatic events or focus too deeply on negative energies, chakras can become "blocked" or less open, making the person behave

certain ways or become ill with specific illnesses. This way of thinking makes sense to me. I've seen and felt Reiki.  During my attunement process, I completed also a series of paintings thst focuses on keeping chakras open. It helped me keep focused on my Reiki journey.
   If you would like to know more about this ancient healing technique, please do not hesitate to get a hold of me by commenting or emailing me! I'd love to be a part of your journey and help you get centered again. Look into finding practitioners in your corner of this world.

"Crown enlightened"

"Solar Plexus"

   My journey to the ancient healing techniques of Reiki has changed me forever. It was spiritual, it was healing, it was unWestern, it was destined. My life has become richer in so many aspects and not only does it help me, it helps my family, it helps my pets, I have helped people over distance. We are all connected.
Namasté  

Book it!

Believe in your journey!

The tests are in.....I'm freakishly fabulous!!

   For six long months, I've been in an active battle everyday. Every day, for the past six months, I've been an active commander-in-chief. Every minute, making a choice to better the predicament I was in. For those just joining me, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's last Summer after another grueling, painful, unwanted, emotionally deadening miscarriage. In a nutshell, being Hashimoto's means when my body encounters certain things, i.e. gluten, a common flu/virus, severe stress, it makes up a very kick ass army ...and it attacks body organs ---MY BODY ORGANS! These internal attacks can last from a few weeks to several agonizing and painful months of waking up daily in pain.
   For anyone that battles an autoimmune condition, test day is a big day. It takes a minimum of six weeks to alter medications and see if things are going in the direction you need them to go. We didn't know it, but I had vast internal damage in my gut that needed healing. Gut healing takes a minimum of six months. It is six months of being very regimented and on point. Six months of always thinking about what goes in your body for fuel, nutrients and hydration. Six months of not knowing if any of the sacrifices you are enduring are for anything. Six months of wishful thinking.
   The time had come to test. My friends and family wished me well right before I went in with "I got good feels about this!" to "You're amazing!" to "Let me know right away, okay? I love you." My support team is nothing short of fantastic. You'd think after all the blood work I've experienced the past two years, I would know what the person taking samples is called. I don't. I refer to these wonderful people as my pokers. This time my poker "Luanne" looked at my chart and giggled. "I just got a flashback from your chart! I graduated high school the exact day you were born!" I smiled and laughed and thought to myself of the wonderful exchange we just had and that this is good omen. She didn't hurt me either, another good omen.
   My blood tests take two days in a lab for results. I could go into extensive detail as to why, but that is a whole other blog subject! In essence, they must mix my blood with other components and see what reaction(s) happen. I was pretty patient for the wait, but my entourage was anxious! And then boom! Here they were.....
   After being six months on the same dosage of levoxithyroxine, going gluten free, adding supplements and minerals, building and installing infrared light therapy, routine therapeutic massage sessions, and enduring a long term  parasitic cleanse...I have exactly what I was working towards!

My levoxythyroxine dosage needs to be decreased again. It means that my thyroid gland is repairing itself and producing again.

My Thyroglubin Antibody test indicated that my Hashimotos is in REMISSION...for now. My antibodies are there but have been put on stand down. They can remain on duty floating through my system waiting to be reminded of their jobs for the next three years. And more recent data has come in that indicates that they were probably attacking other areas in my body too, we just haven't figured out where yet. I will always have Hashimoto's, the BEST I can shoot for is remission.

After my results came in, it was time to adjust again. Brain fog, appetite loss, vision changes seemingly hourly, loss of sleep...been through it before so it was just time to batten down the hatches for a brighter tomorrow. :) As usual, my soul partner, husband, solid foundation was amazing as we're my loving kids. I can't stress enough how thankful I am to have these people in my life.

I'm going on four weeks now and it is amazing!

Causes for extensive jubilation and celebration! I celebrated my birthday with the usual fanfare and simple joys! Believe in your journey!

Sunscreen for the rest of us: Recipe worth worshipping!

   I love being in the sun and I always have. Commercial sunscreen was called "tanning butter" when I was a kid. The people I idolized often used vegetable oil or baby oil to attract the sun's warmth, put themselves in generated light machines and were considered beauty....fast forward a few decades and we finally accept how harmful this is to our largest vital organ, our skin. More and more people are falling victim to Melanoma every year. And if you've been lucky enough to be diagnosed with an autoimmune condition like I have, just simply using deodorant or body lotion can wreak havoc on your endocrine system.

Faeryboop Friendly Sun Blocker
Available here....

   I've always been a huge proponent of max SPF sunscreen. Working as a lifeguard/instructor for an outdoor aquatic facility for over a decade, I always made darn sure my vital organ was covered. If not, the possibility of heat stroke, or exhaustion was a certainty. I wanted to use the sunscreen with the safest ingredients, but it just wasn't economically feasible.....until now!

I made my own SPF 45 WATERPROOF sunscreen with a few ingredients and about 30 minutes of my time. 

I'll tell you how to do it!

You can alter this recipe to your liking but here's what I did;

Gather up your ingredients
like beeswax, coconut oil and Shea butter

1/2 cup coconut oil
1/4 cup aloe or almond oil or carrot seed oil
2 Tbsp.-1/4 cup beeswax
1-2Tbsp. Shea butter
1 tsp. vitamin E oil
2 Tbsp. zinc oxide powder*
15-20 drops of your favorite essential oil(s)

* You MUST buy Non-Nano Zinc Oxide Powder for the recipe to be considered endocrine system healthy. Besides, you get to look like this when you are brewing it up!

Take caution when using powered zinc oxide!
Breathing the dust is very harmful!

Step one: Combine the coconut oil, aloe, beeswax, vitamin E oil and Shea butter in a double boiler. No worries if you don't have one! I improved with a saucepan and a big stock pot of boiling water. Making sure the surrounding water doesn't get into your saucepan mix by holding it just within the water.

Homemade double boiler

Step two: when the mix is well combined, remove from heat. Add essential oils and put on your mask!

Step three: While wearing your mask and brewing in a well ventilated area, add the zinc. Stir very well.

Step four: Pour in desired containers! Enjoy!

*****This sun block is amazing! It is long lasting, silky smooth and we love how we can customize it with our favorite ingredients.