Still hesitantly excited...and 10 weeks pregnant!

   We are in our tenth week of pregnancy....let me say that again! WE ARE IN OUR TENTH WEEK OF PREGNANCY! It really has flown by! Since I've last written, we've had our first in-person doctor visit complete with ten vials of blood and an ultrasound.

   The ultrasound....I knew we would be getting one but I didn't tell Clayton until we got there. That is very scary for couples that have experienced miscarriage. The last two ultrasounds I saw was first our deceased baby and then the next was an image of an empty womb. A sight you are supposed to be relieved to see, showing that everything had passed and I would be recovering, but that is not what you want to see at all deep in your heart of hearts. I would've given my existence to save that baby. Our ultrasound tech was perfect and was very very compassionate to our case. She was with us through it all before. We began, both of us not really looking at the projection on the television. "OK...see? ....See that little flickering right here? That's your baby's heart and it is flickering strong! Here is the head and here is the rump....now that we can all breath in here, I'm going to get started with my tests, OK?" She had her perfect bedside manner, as usual.

   After we were alone, I admitted that right before the test, I felt panic. My body hadn't changed much and I was twinged with fear of the empty womb. Clayton admitted he felt the same...we are so much alike at times. That moment of the flickering heart, the baby became real for him.

Our baby's flicker of a heart. Our chances of miscarriage statistically have dropped to  two  percent.

We've been in that two percent before....hold your breath!

   The rest of the appointment was full of completing my charts and scheduling upcoming appointments, urine samples and blood sampling. I was anxious for the bloodwork, this was going to be the marker on whether to truly get excited or not....
   About a week later, all of my test came in and the fated call blew up my phone. "Cristina? This is _______ OBGYN. I have your test results and we have a couple of things to talk about."....my heart truly sank. This is how those previous phone calls have been that ended in miscarriage. I mumbled alright. "First off, your TSH is great so we aren't doing anything with your dosage at this time. It is 0.2 and that's right where we want it. Secondly, you do not have an immunity to Rubella, so you will need an immunization after you have your baby in the hospital, okay?" I smiled and said, "Woo hoo! Thank you so much!!"
WHAT A RELIEF! I scooted upstairs to let Clayton know the news and we wore secret smiles the rest of the day!

   As the days have progressed, my bloating is up and down, mood is up and down and the cravings combined with nausea...ranch corn chips with chocolate milk, peppers upon peppers with blue cheese, gluten free bagels with cream cheese, spoons of peanut butter and beef...OH THE BEEF!
   Now all of our children know and that is a relief. It is difficult to keep such an exciting, scary and adventurous secret! They were great and not too scared. It's scary watching mom get sick and having her struggle. It's hard being the sibling of a baby taken too soon---you don't get to have fun memories with them, you get an injured mom and dad, sadness, worry that your mom and dad will never be the same, (and they never are the same---everyone in the house is changed from this hard realization that some things aren't always rosy) and then there is the anger. Anger that this happened to your family. It's hard being that sibling. And many people don't even think about the children involved in those families. Those kids are being strong and waiting for their world, their parents, to not be broken in a million pieces, and some parents never recover. For us, as a couple, we got stronger. We've gone through the deaths of children and somehow lived to tell about it. We are shining after the storm. And our kids are simply beautifully amazing.
  To keep our lives as stress free as possible, we are keeping a lid on things still. We still aren't out of the woods yet, despite the large beams of light upon us, and we just want to keep our lives as routine as possible. Our stress levels depends on it! A lingering question for me is whether my Hashimoto's antibodies will remain inactive. That's key for our success as well and it is beyond my control besides taking my selenium supplement and staying away from my identified triggers like gluten and stress. I am developing my Reiki practice daily and the meditation is invaluable to me. I am writing this blog as we go as a record for others like us....gathering every speck of courage on this journey called Hashimoto's and Hypothyroidism.

Here's me and my Mini Cooper! My husband rebuilt the engine for me!

   With the cooler weather heading our way and the holidays coming up, we will have some decisions to make about public appearances and my possible exposure to Rubella. After the journey we've been on, we won't be taking that lightly. We do not want the chance of causing birth defects in our unborn little. I personally plan on avoiding areas where the chance of exposure is great and this includes family gatherings like weddings and birthday parties, Thanksgiving and Christmas.

10 weeks pregnant!