Survival of the Flares: Some people make it, some don't

"To  be Jedi is to face the truth, and choose. Give off light, or darkness, Padawan. Be a candle or the night."---Yoda, Jedi Knight of Star Wars

Photo by Cris Ness

"Facing Hashimoto's the Ness Way"

Copyrighted 2015

   I love my job!  I'm a server and bartender in a bustling brewery...what could be better?! I love the people  I meet and the ones I stand along side, grinding the shift, to make their dreams come true. Last night, I shared a story with a coworker about a four-year-old boy in my section that recognized me when I approached the table. He proclaimed,"Hey I've seen you run!...I've seen you run by my house!" I told my coworker it was great to hear because I've really had to taper back my activities. I talked about trying to get on top of my "flares" through healing from the inside out and it can take months to begin to see or feel results.He looked puzzled and asked what's wrong with me. He said he has never noticed anything...that  I am one of the most vibrant and positive people he's ever met. After I explain my autoimmune conditions, he smiled and said I am a shining example for people. I never complain and I'm always radiating positivity. I guess I'm a candle :)Thank you, Padawan Learner Conger😊
   Autoimmune Flares: A gigantic, enormous pain-in-the-booty obstacle when a person is trying live a life worth living! With autoimmune conditions, like fibromyalgia or Hashimoto's, outside factors like stress or a even a simple viral infection will start a  domino effect towards a life jolting medical condition called a flare.  And just what is a flare? Flares affect each individual differently. For me, a flare has physical and psychological aspects. Physically, every joint including my toe joints ache and is inflamed. Simply rising out of bed feels like that time you might remember as having the worst flu of your life. Walking to the bathroom deserves a medal of sorts made of glittering gold. Then there is the fatigue...it's not to be confused with tired. Tired means you can sleep and feel refreshed. Fatigue is sleeping 20 hours and when you wake you are still in the middle of a fog land. You feel as exhausted as when you went to bed. Now add in some hellish anxiety that haunts your waking moments and also my slumber can be filled with INTENSE night terrors due to high anxiety present add in some severe sweating issues while sleeping and that's MY flare. Flares can be this intense lasting for days. I've literally had 24 hour periods where the only time I've been up among the living is for my four hour work shift.

   My last flare was debilitating and it really frightened my family. It brought forth the questions from our kids like, "Mom, can what you have make you die?" I'm always honest. With a brave smile, I said "yes it can, but I'm not going anywhere!" Dealing with a flare leaves little time for relationships with others. My main priority has got to be me and mine. My true friends and family whole heartedly understand this.

  Photo by Cris Ness

"Luna Magic"

Copyrighted 2015

    The positive thing I can say about a flare is that it really takes the hard work out of finding out who really loves you and who is just using you. My friends all know me. They are confident in our relationship that  I'm not blowing them off. When I've made plans and end up canceling (which has had to happen more than a few times) because I don't feel well, I get texts back saying,"hey I'm sorry! If you need me to do anything, I'm your lady!" I'm super lucky I've surrounded myself with these kind of people. Of course, I rarely take them up on it, but having the offer is awesome!
   On this Hashimoto's journey we are on, I've met new people that I really am drawn to but again at this moment in time, I have no extra energy to develop a relationship. If those people are meant to be in my life, they will still be there when I am finished healing myself up.
   Some of my other friends haven't survived the flares. Those are the people that need to see a sick person as proof of their personal doctor's note. My absence doesn't raise inquiries besides loathing thoughts of me not being able to accommodate them in some way. I hear phrases like "You are always sick!" ...yeah imagine how my family feels...or how I do! "You haven't been out or even to my house in months!" ....my response is usually, "You are right. I've had enough energy lately to scale back a few hours at my work so I could be a wife and mom and do things with them. Yes
I haven't been well enough to make time for other things."

•  Hashimoto's is a mostly invisible illness...It's a very private battle fought within yourself. Stress is a big trigger. When I'm collecting negative guff for not being able to make appearances at other people's children's ball games, fundraisers or even to host a sleepover, I keep my flare survival in mind. I become my own Jedi Master. Nobody is going to extinguish my candle of positivity and hope by holding me captive in their proverbial darkness.

1. My family and myself come first. Period. Nobody is going to guilt me into taking on extra duties for them. I'm certainly worth more than that.
2. Flares happen. A flare happens even when you are healing. Stay the course and do what you need to do to survive your flare.
3. Cuddles are worth a million dollars. My husband and kids are championship material when it comes to cuddling. I may not have the energy at this moment to play badminton, but I sure am open to cuddles and a family movie!
4. Keep stress at bay. You can't change people's opinion if you are really sick. Those who truly love you, won't make you prove it. And if they want you to, then I guess they are going to have to wait until you feel up to filling their demands...which for me is probably never. I mean, when I really could've used a helping hand with helping out with my family---where were they?! Not looking any further than their silly demands.
5. Enjoy the simple in every day. Allow yourself to say no to others. You are worth it! Every day is a good day sprinkled with opportunities to make it grand. Be light. Be a candle. When you are down, reread your favorite book, look through the window and watch a feathered friend, indulge in celebrating you by embracing who you are.

   I've spent my healing time focusing on my family, celebrating our moments and truly feeling blessed with everyone who has kept in touch with me while I heal. Those people are my tribe, my clan, my village and I love each and every one of them...including my online friends that I might have never laid eyes on but have taken a liking to me and my shenanigans.

May Shenanigans Always Be With You and Within You.

Be the change you want to see in the world.