Cleansing The Things In Me...parasites, flukes and candida OH MY!

"Well honey, at least they aren't in you anymore," my perfectly loving husband said to me as he squeezed the wounded me that was literally curled up in a ball in the middle of the floor after my last bathroom visit.   
We take lots of things for granted living in a nice and tidy first world country like the United States. Only until recent years, has this country felt the real life crunch of a  water shortage like in California or the problems of toxic fish population making the way into the food production lines of companies and on the shelves of the supermarkets. We can control the temperatures of our homes with technology that rides around in our pockets and purses, chat with someone across the country 24/7 and much of the population can afford to buy delectable drinks for $6 -12 ounces of liquid sweet yumminess. We have a plethora of medications that can fix anything from acne to fungus infections to various strains of cancer. We are pretty safe and sound.
   My Hashimoto's journey has led on a knowledge and health pilgrimage. I delegate a number of minutes daily to research, performing health tasks and basic time for assessing how I feel (if I have any new symptoms, feel ill in any way, just being extremely conscious of how I feel). I do this everyday....because I need to be the navigator of my own health. It assists me in being able to put others first at all other times of the day so I can be the best wife and the best mom and the best friend to people in my life.
   Now....onto the topic of today's lesson: THE PARASITIC CLEANSE. Throughout much of my research, I would encounter a few mentions of the parasitic cleanse and quickly bypass it.....because Oh Em Gee I didn't even want to think about it and our food supply isn't bad here anyways, I doubt this is even possible. Every time I ran upon the subject, I opened my cracked eye just a wee bit more and read a few more words. Finally, I came to terms that it was possible that I could be hosting a parasitic discoteque complete with flukes and protozoa and with autoimmune conditions like Hashimoto's, fibromyalgia and those that have contracted the Epstein Barr virus are at a higher risk of being a host to the creepy crawlies. I took some big gulps and looked into ways to "detox my system"  ( preferable way of talking about this thing called a parasitic cleanse).
   I pride myself on not taking a lot of drugs on the market --- or off the market for that matter. I really don't even enjoy taking Ibuprofen or cold medicine. I'm a nature gal what can I say. This journey has had me popping more pills that people stumbling onto an unmanned bubble wrap factory filled to capacity. So, needless to say, it was crucial that I find a way to detox my body without polluting it more with man-made chemicals. I deworm my dogs with Guinness
stout. And of course, they LOVE that! I would love that too if I wasn't gluten intolerant and I'm not sure it's tough enough to work on with humans, but my husband has volunteered to be the Guinness pig....get it---Guinness....
   Oil  of Oregano in capsule is the miracle drug of my choice for this job! It's efficient, it's economical, it's natural. It kills everything in its' path including any little fungus infections -- which I had been battling a skin infection on and off for months. It does kill any bacteria both good and bad which is why I've included a broad spectrum probiotic in my line up as well to replenish the good guys.  I've also discovered on my journey that keeping a health journal is essential to keeping tabs on your treatment...it has come in aid to me numerous times when visiting with my healthcare team to me trying my little science experiments on myself and seeing if what I am trying works or makes me feel worse. I'm a complete science nerd so this fits all my nerdy desires.
   I did notice after the second dose, I felt a few aches and pains. I was still experiencing headaches, joint inflammation and muscle soreness. The dosage I followed suggested up to 200 mg per day. I started with 50 mg for three days just to see and upped it when things completely got real. After the dosage was more potent, I could feel movement, I could see real results. And those little guys are abandoning ship any which way they can...just remember that your skin is also an organ of your body.  I will not go into detail here, just know that you can google images of those critters and yeah----I had one of the best parasite parties going on in my body temple....and I worship myself like nobody's business. I love me...and apparently so did they because I had Candida, tapeworms, egg sacks, flukes and hook worms all living within my sacred walls! Mortified cannot even begin to describe my mental wellness at this point.
   My advice to anyone that has had these symptoms, is to not be afraid and just face the possibility that you might be a host. Contact your physician and get tested if you feel the need. Especially if you are in the high risk category (like having autoimmune conditions, being hypothyroid or hyperthyroid, have had EBV.)
I went along with the oil of oregano method because even if I didn't have anything, it wouldn't hurt me having that going in my system. Contact your physician, chiropractor, healthcare provider if you suspect a parasitic infestation, be proactive! I'm not a doctor of any sorts but knowledge is power so get yourself aware.
Continue the oil of oregano for 4-6 weeks and then maybe put this on your calendar for every year. I'm such a control Nazi about things that I might just go ahead and do this in the fall too---time will tell. I know I'll never ever let myself be blind to the fact that I might get worms every now and then thanks to my autoimmune conditions. And that's just how I roll.

The magic of answers---Hashimoto's and Thyroidism

   Finally! 2016 is really proving itself....I have Hashimoto's and now that I am on a synthetic thyroid hormone, I also am classified as hypothyroid.  It might sound crazy scary, but what my family and I have  had to endure has been nothing short of a neverending nightmare. I've gone to countless doctors, physicians, and  specialists  over the years. I became an extreme health nut and exercise guru. I was diagnosed anemic, having IBS, prescribed anti-depressants at one time or another, was told "it was all in your head so I think it's stress induced". At one point, I developed so many allergies I had to give myself three shots a week for a few years. I finally quit going to the doctor and just tried to be as healthy as I could be....but it quit working and I was gaining symptoms left and right. Over the course of my adulthood, I've had four miscarriages...I've lost four babies. And we can't explain how truly fortunate  we are to have the precious three girls we get to enjoy as they giggle, cry, love, live and grow.   
   It has been several months since I've had the energy to even attempt to remember where this  blog was...and I wish I was joking. Brain fog....B-R-A-I-N--F-O-G had me in it's grips for months after we lost our last baby in July 2015. Not only was I mildly depressed from yet another loss,  it took quite a few months to get my synthetic thyroid dosage correct, which isn't uncommon for my fellow Hashi sufferers. The purpose of this blog originally was for miscarriage awareness and honestly it was an easy way for us to communicate with family and friends on a grander about how we were doing with loss like this. After I got pointed in certain directions with my health, I took charge of my health care...I customized and ordered my own lab tests through a wonderful website that goes through a local testing facility like LabCorp. After taking charge, I decided that I needed to pick up this blog again for all those moms and dads out there, all the siblings of lost babies who are being affected every day, every year with undiagnosed thyroid issues.
   With our last baby, we felt pretty positive that it couldn't possible happen again...I was healthier (or so I thought) than I had been in a long time. I had made some changes to my life and my doctor had found that my thyroid was the reason for this miscarriage this time. We just needed to get my thyroid number where it needed to be. I felt better within two days but not all my symptoms vanished and lots of them began appearing again after leaving.  I had severe joint pain going on, headaches, my vision was changing constantly, racing heart patterns to low blood pressure, hair loss from hell (it was sticking to the walls and ceiling every time I blew it dry), my eyebrows became half brows, my skin was dry and bleeding, feeling cold and seriously did I mention I was cold....shall I go on??? ....My weight literally could have a three pound difference within a one day period, I was sleeping all the time, night terrors (I can't remember having a good dream in my life honestly until I fixed a few things), bleeding gums, random patches of skin fungus, ringing ears that turned into "What? WHAT?!" I could barely hear things....OK enough about me LOL.
   More research was required.  My customized tests revealed a positive test for antibodies and that led me on the change of a lifetime....GOING GLUTEN FREE!!  In the Western world, this "diet"  isn't for the faint hearted. There were withdrawals that lasted over a month. People with Hashimoto's have bodies that recognize that little wheat protein and use it like heroin, you also get confused and attack yourself! You binge, you need that feeling. I'm so lucky my family thinks the world of me...I was a MONSTER!
   I also need to mention I relied on my chiropractor and therapeutic massage therapist for this big turn around as well. Both of them helped me rid myself of toxins, stress, joint inflammation and just overall as a person trying to not feel defeated. They listened and we worked as a team to help  me feel empowered and on the road to better health. They also gave me ideas or leads on things to research like vitamins and supplements my body might be lacking with autoimmune diseases. In fact, at my last appointment, the two of them were taking notes from me about things that have worked  so they could spread messages to a few of their other patients exhibiting the same symptoms I was having.  I've spent hours and hours researching, and sometimes my husband can't believe all the work I've put into finding out the answers.  In the end, I AM WORTH IT and that's all there is to it! :)
Cheers!

Someday soon we will be a rising Phoenix

    Last night was long.....after our usual Tuesday movie date night, things turned very dark. Fast forward to 3 AM and we found ourselves waiting for a pain med subscription in the local Walgreens,  processing the events that led us saying our good-bye to our rainbow baby. It was hard, it was painful.
   Throughout my life adventures and misadventures, I always try to learn something. What is the point if one doesn't, right? With our first miscarriage, I admit I didn't learn much besides how it feels to feel numb, truly empty, helpless and shamefully envious. I didn't allow myself to feel anything for several days...I was a robot, going through the motions until my deluge of turmoil came boiling out to my husband's great relief.
   This pregnancy was going to be different. We mentally prepared for the horror. But in doing so, it truly allowed us to enjoy every second we had with our little one that couldn't stay. We grew courageous and allowed ourselves to dare to dream of a life that could be. Even through the struggles, the aches, the changes, we welcomed it. We strived to stay positive and planned. And even through our process last night, we both would gaze in each other's eyes amidst the storm and talk about how lucky we are to be in this together, how wondrous our living kids are and how fortunate we are to have so many people including those all around the U.S., around the world, along with those here at home who celebrated, prayed and supported us during this entire pregnancy...and those who cheered us on to conquer our fears of trying again. What I've learned from this is that savoring each precious moment made me have no regrets and ultimately made me feel stronger.
    In this moment, we are indeed broken, but not unrepairable. We are crying, having difficulty breathing, crushed. But we will come out better. I can't thank everyone enough for your prayers, smiles and excitement for this pregnancy. As strange as it might sound to some, we consider ourselves lucky to have such a vast support system. We are not alone.
   In the coming days, we will have much to process. I may not answer my phone, or respond to texts or messages in a timely manner. My husband has been my rock and our kids are a huge help. Your prayers and healing light are greatly appreciated. We will rise again.

Strength, love and the thought of a rainbow

   We probably had the most stressful Independence Day weekend for us on record. Not only was it our deceased cousin and friend's birthday where we would spend time with him yearly, but my body decided to throw a little more emotion in the mix and I began spotting at work Saturday night. The hours and minutes ticked by excruciatingly.....old buried emotions boiled to the surface of our lost angel. My husband and I just laid around gaming and watching movies on Sunday to see if the spotting would stop.
   Earlier this week, we had received a call from the doctor's office on Wednesday that my blood work came back with the conclusion that my thyroid gland wasn't functioning properly. I've been put on a thyroid hormone treatment. I researched and found the possible reason for our angel baby was that simple fact. Miscarriage is 80% probable if your thyroid is under working and the symptoms are so silent....feeling cold, excessive fatigue, aching feet, excessive weight gain (which I had with all of my pregnancies), nausea, sweating, shortness of breath, high anxiety or feelings of anxiousness.....all pretty harmless, lots that sound just like pregnancy. We were relieved to hear that maybe we found our answer to the biggest mystery of our lives. I also found out I come from a line of ladies in my family with the same problem.
   But we aren't out of the woods....it takes 4-6 weeks for the thyroid hormone supplement to build up in your system ....without being pregnant. Are we fighting an uphill battle? We aren't sure. I've done nothing but pray and rest since that call. I've been praying....and praying. Then the spotting started....more prayers.
   We phoned our doctor this morning with our symptom and received instructions on my blood type (not comforting) in the case of an ER visit, when to go to the ER, and what to look for. If things do not improve and do not get worse, to give them a call in a few days and "hopefully we will see you on the 28th at your regular visit. Some things just can't be helped. Good luck and we look forward to seeing you then." ......yup, we are on our own with this.....
   Clayton spent the morning holding me, crying with me as we huddled together trying to hold each other up. He talked to my belly, telling the little soul to hang in there, that he wants to meet him/her and they have a wonderful family that is amazing waiting for them. It was emotionally sweet and heart wrenching all at once. I just silently cried laying there, trying to not take away from his moment with our little one.
   Every trip to the bathroom was grueling....I just didn't want to do it. I didn't want to see. But, thankfully, I can report that it hasn't gotten any worse and quite possibly has eased up. Sadly, I can't even describe how I feel....a side affect of my thyroid medication is feeling spacey and I do feel like it is working. My anxiety is so much better than it was, so is my nausea, and fatigue. But then again it makes me feel like my pregnancy symptoms are disappearing....scary!! But I am feeling the other symptoms of thyroid fading too, hopefully the baby is getting the thyroid hormone and not just me.
   I spent some time in my garden this afternoon and my spotting didn't worsen....a little ray of hope!

We talked and prepared for the worst, what to do, who to call, how to handle the kids when and if we have to go tonight because my Clayton has to work and what to do in the next few days. We are prepared...so maybe that means we won't need this plan. Maybe, this is just a little bump in the road to our miracle rainbow baby. Time will tell. One day, one minute  at a time is the reminder for us once again.

Congratulations! It's looking like a healthy baby!

    This morning couldn't have come at a better time....the grueling weekend has taken its toll on all of us awaiting this ultrasound. For me, I just wanted to see a beating heart, but for my husband the image on the screen made this whole situation seem real....I've come to realize. When he saw the healthy little Ness, he placed his hand over his mouth and took the imagery all in with amazement.
   Our appointment was better than routine...the nurses were so excited to see us back for this happy time! There were giggles, big smiles and hardy congratulations darting our way through the whole office. They are such a supportive team and have always given me a warm feeling when I've gone in for my check-ups since our loss. They were very compassionate during our loss as well, despite seeing that circumstance many times over with different folks.
   After hearing that our little peanut had the heartbeat of a micro champion and that no special worries were reserved for us, that we should continue business as usual, we took a stroll and soaked up the moment with healthy smoothies in the sunshine. "I think I want to tell everyone," he exclaimed. I said he could do as he chooses and smiled.
   In his safe, he still has the pregnancy test from our lost baby...the only positive confirmation he had from that pregnancy. He also has the positive pregnancy test from our rainbow baby and has taken looks at it daily since I gave it to him. Today was special for him and one step closer. He held in his mighty hands the photos from our ultrasound for minutes on end. It is real, it is good, it is hopeful, it is happening.
   Oftentimes, everyone forgets about the hopeful dad that is eagerly awaiting the baby and many times his wounds are invisible to the world only thinking about the momma clenching her empty belly after loss. Dads long for their babies just as much as moms do.
   My husband is a solid rock for me....he never let on how truly worried he was about this appointment, he remained positive and steadfast, downright joyful....but he's been sleeping like a bear for two hours since we've returned from our joyous obgyn appointment to see our little Ness on the big screen.

Life in this exact moment

   We've entered the 8th week of pregnancy....feeling a bit more awful, tired, and crabby and I don't mean to be.....honest! I was thrilled to find myself at 8 weeks and then I proceeded to get sleepy and tummy turned. Last week I found an app that allows you to hear your baby's heartbeat through your iPad and I'm so small we could hear it! The conveniences of modern technology! This fun activity helped the time go by when our silent nerves would creep in. But if I had my way, I would have it on constantly, to keep reassuring me I'm not living a fantasy. Something to ponder: to Doppler or not Doppler, that is the question.
   Our kids' baby elation has quickly turned into as barrage of Q and A whenever they see me. "How are you feeling, mom?" ..."are you eating enough, mom?"..."Did you sleep well enough?".  It's usually when I just feel like being quiet,  so again I appear cranky with my answers.... Incidentally, I love you Sum, Jo and Keira.
   We've been doing so well keeping positive and upbeat about this pregnancy. We've already settled on our baby lifestyle ...you know, cloth or disposable, breast or bottle, minimalist versus extravaganza, crib, cradle or hammock, vaccination schedules for pregnancy and beyond. We've even picked names. I've been feeling pretty well so it was easy.....and then today hit. I basically slept all day yesterday until work. I felt awful, tired, sick. No cramps .... so far. This morning I had a slight tinge of color on my tissue and a full body sweat erupted. Not again. Panicked beyond control, I slinked off to our bed and said I never wanted to leave it again for a long time and I just wanted to drop off the planet. My loving husband held me and coaxed me to use the Doppler. Thankfully, I found the tiny racing heartbeat and our minds were eased for the time being. I've had nothing beyond that one incident and nothing more to trouble me so far. It could've been anything, time will tell.
   Our ultrasound is in four days and I am living for that small goal. I just want us to be able to see a healthy baby on that screen. Lots of times, that ultrasound is the harbinger of bad news for parents like us. It's the moment they find out they will be expecting a miscarriage. But I believe in moments of joy.  I have to!
   I never realized how courageous we truly are. When I first told my cousin about our pregnancy, the very first thing she said to me was how courageous I am in all that I do, and especially with this. There are moments that can literally take the breath out of me when I'm not feeling strong in my pregnancy....when I'm hearing about other people's due dates, their happy nonchalant pregnancies, or how they just blindly know things will be fine. I've experienced the horror story and come to realize that I still have to fight the urge of being in control....that Google is of absolutely no comfort to me ....that sometimes all I  can say is "at this exact moment, this exact time, the baby and I are doing fine."